


The Life of the Party

by whiskeyandwine



Series: DC Shenanigans [2]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Multi, funny times in DC, the gang at their finest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 07:40:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8437075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiskeyandwine/pseuds/whiskeyandwine
Summary: There will come a day when Gansey finally realises bringing his friends along to political galas is a terrible idea.





	

**_\- The One With Satan's penthouse -_ **

“Ronan, must you bring the bird?” Gansey sighed, eyeing the raven perched on Ronan’s shoulder pointedly.

Ronan glared at him. “Must you bring Parrish?”

That shut Gansey up, but earned him an elbow in the ribs from Adam (and a high-five from Blue).

Eight hours later, they ended up seated at a table with some of Gansey's mother potential voters ( _with_  Chainsaw), Gansey trying to charm them and Adam trying to keep Ronan from setting something (or some _one_ ) on fire before the dinner came to an end. Admittedly, their dining companions weren’t making it any easier.

As the meal progressed, it quickly became clear that the couple belonged to that particular brand of bigot that began every offensive sentence with “I’m not…,  _but_ ”. Gansey was trying extremely hard to keep them at bay and maintain the conversation’s civil nature by avoiding controversial issues, but it was a political dinner after all; there was only so much one could do when rowing against a current.

“I'm just saying, Richard, that traditions are very important. Who are we without our roots?”

“May I suggest, Mrs. Clifford,” Gansey started, quietly setting the fork on the side of the plate, “that traditions are not set in stone? Adaptability is a very important skill to possess.”

Mr. Clifford cut in, setting the glass on the table a little too brusquely. “It is simply not natural, Dick. Any good Christian would know that these people might pretend to be like us, but they are simply a deviation of what our Lord meant for relationships to be, and they are headed straight to Lucifer's domain.”

He was halfway through his speech when Gansey kicked Ronan under the table,  _hard_ , and shot Adam a warning look, seeking help in subduing what he expected to be a not-too-thrilled reaction. Surprisingly, he found Adam was not looking at him, nor at Ronan, but was holding Mr. Clifford's gaze with an icy look that made the old man falter in his righteous Christian tirade.

“I am curious, Mr. Clifford,” he asked, not breaking eye contact. “What would you say of those people who are attracted to both sexes? Is only half of them on its merry way to Lucifer's penthouse?”

Gansey did not have to stop Ronan from doing anything, because the other boy was currently frozen in bewilderment, his gaze fixed on Adam's cold stare. Gansey could practically feel Adam's anger simmering just below the surface, but he didn’t dare intervene; he found Adam’s ability to keep his voice level and pleasant, like he was discussing the weather, but still be intimidating, actually quite impressive. He ignored the alarmed glances his mother kept sending their way, like she could sense something was going on.

“That is preposterous!” The old man sputtered, clearly taken by surprise. “You either swing one way or the other, am I right?” He shot his wife an amused smile, genuinely convinced he was being joked with; he even ventured an attempt at a jovial cackle.

Adam did not look amused.

Clifford noticed, and his laugh slowly died out. “If these people do exist, then they are merely lying to themselves. It still makes them eligible for Satan's “penthouse”, as you so helpfully put it, young man.”

Every single person at the table was holding their breath, waiting for some kind of explosion, but Adam simply wiped his mouth, put his napkin down with top-tier manners, and got up to leave. 

“Where do you think you're going, Parrish?” Ronan asked, finally breaking out of his stupor.

“To Satan's penthouse, apparently.”

Gansey was torn between absolute shock and the burning need to take a picture of Ronan's face, gaping at Adam walking away like he'd just grown a second head.

“I truly did not mean to offend your friend, Richard. Had I known, I would not have—”

“Behaved like the shameful bigot that you are? I sincerely doubt that, Mr. Clifford. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go speak to my mother about her choice of guests.”

Gansey thought Ronan’s expression in that exact moment was definitely worth sabotaging two of his mother’s potential voters over.

Ronan quickly recovered, though; he got up, wearing his best shit-eating grin, and said “Well, let's see if Lucifer can mix a decent drink. Oh, and FUCK WASHINGTON!” He turned to shout to the entire room before following Adam to the exit.

 

  ** _\- The One With The Questionable Anatomical Parts -_**

 

On the next trip to D.C., Gansey also brought Blue along, because she refused to be left behind and he obviously didn’t have any kind of survival instincts left.

She was currently standing with the Governor and his wife, and the picture-perfect smile she was wearing didn’t bode well for anyone.

“I was very interested in what you had to say about women's rights to their bodies, Mr. Governor. I was just curious, why are you so keen on taking them away from women when you don't possess the right means to do it?”

“Which means?”

“A uterus, for starters.”

Gansey and Adam choked on their drinks. Ronan, however, could be heard howling in the background. The Governor’s wife wisely took advantage of the moment to whisk her husband away.

“I could dream him a uterus!”

“Ronan,  _no_ ─”

Blue nodded in agreement. “Might as well dream him some testicles, he's severely lacking in that department.”

“ _Jane_!”

“I think we're onto something here, Maggot,” Ronan dramatically whispered in her ear.

“I am  _never_  bringing either of you again.”

He was just about to physically separate them, but before Gansey could divide and conquer, he was suddenly being tugged aside by his mother; she was flashing reassuring, picture-perfect smiles around while shooting him a warning look.

“Christ, Richard, could your friends stop terrifying my guests?” She said when she finally stopped in front of him. Then she lowered her voice and smiled a little. “Not that I don't find it hilarious, but it's becoming a habit, and all these people are tiresome enough to manage as it is.”

Helen was, of course, right behind his mother. “Please, Dick,  _never_ stop bringing your friends to these things. They make my day, truly.”

Gansey opened his mouth to answer when he felt a careful tap on his shoulder. “Uh, Gansey?”

It was Adam’s  _we have a problem_ voice. Gansey knew it all too well;  _will this evening ever end?_  He resisted the urge to rub a hand across his face, solemnly braced himself and turned to answer. “I swear, if there are questionable anatomical parts on the other side of the room right now, I am  _not_  coming.” He pointedly ignored his mother and sister’s matching terrified looks at his words.

“Would you come if I told you the Governor’s bodyguards were currently restraining Ronan?”

Gansey let his eyes fall shut, all color draining from his face. “Heavens. I'd rather not.”

When he opened his eyes again and turned to the scene, what he saw was just as bad as he imagined it would be. Blue was trying to restrain a struggling Ronan and keep the bodyguards off of him at the same time, all while being 5 feet tall.

“What on earth happened?” Gansey asked miserably.

Adam shrugged. “The Governor thought it would be a good idea to take a  _little_ diss at Blue for her ‘origins’, as he put it, so Ronan decided to take a  _little_ swing at him for the trouble.”

Gansey sighed and very reluctantly went to smooth things over. He came back to Blue’s cross-armed rant. “I had it perfectly handled, Ronan!”

He shoulder bumped her, viciously grinning. “Sure you did, Maggot.”

**Author's Note:**

> The One with Satan's Penthouse is of course inspired by [this glorious tale](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3247795/I-m-going-hell-apparently-16-year-old-girl-shares-cringe-worthy-moment-accidentally-told-homophobic-grandma-gay-family.html).
> 
> You can find us on tumblr [here](http://excelsoire.tumblr.com) and [here](http://blacktelephone.tumblr.com).


End file.
